Do Relationships Become Stagnant After Two Years?


What a dangerous statement. (Sheesh I wonder what happens after 20 years? Do relationships mould and rot in a stench? If that were true, why would anyone stay together? It’d be… “Oh, it’s two years plus one day… time to part.”)

That’s like saying life becomes stagnant after two years! There is no such thing as stagnancy. Everything is constantly changing. Even mind, which can stink with the idea of stagnancy, is always changing, moment to moment.

This belief was posted somewhere online, as a factual claim.

As long as our “experts” feed society with ideas like this, people will suffer. They will never come to understand the true cause of stagnancy and so never know the infinite richness that all of life, including being in a relationship or not, offers.

This claim may have evolved from some survey asking people about their experiences in relationships. Note the difference between the majority of people’s experiences, and a FACT that is always true for everyone, which nothing can be done about. Massive difference. Merely because the majority of relationships are dysfunctional does not mean that relationships become stagnant after two years as a fundamental truth.

It is possible to think that relationships getting stagnant is “normal” simply because it seems everyone else is having the same experience. Sharing the same experience , we may not even notice that it’s not healthy, because we think it’s “normal.” What is common does not mean normal, healthy, factual, actual, or truthful. Our experts are not immune to this either, and believing their stats to be some kind of truth, they can actually become the  “sneezer,” spreading such contagious ideas. Because they are our experts, we tend to believe them, further feeding the unconscious outbreak.

“It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.” ~ Krishnamurti

Statistics alone are mere indicators, pointers, but are nothing real. One must notice the two-year milestone is not an immutable law that applies to everyone, and then go deeper and ask why are the majority of people experiencing this? (Or better yet, why do some not experience it?) Something fundamental must be being missed and/or we are confused. Something must be wrong with what we think we know about relationships, experience, and happiness.

One of the biggest, most rampant beliefs society carries about relationships is that people make you happy. Almost everyone believes that the pinnacle, the peak, the height in happiness is having a loving relationship with another person. What if it’s not true? What if there is a greater love experience possible? What if you can have it any time, with or without a relationship? What if we have confused it for relationships? What if it comes without the need, attachment, and pain that our current belief about intimate love carries?

As long as people believe that people (or things, or events) “make” them happy or unhappy, they make rules for things, people, or events, and those rules are what make us happy or unhappy. Those rules limit how much happiness, love, and peace you can experience (I call this the “False Happiness Hierarchy”), based on what things you do (or don’t) have, what people do (or don’t do), or what events do (or don’t) take place. You are voluntarily tethered to the winds of unreliable constant outer change. Being rules you set, these are not fundamental truths; they are choices.

Drop all your stagnant thoughts and watch everything come to life beyond belief! Because it’s your beliefs that have stagnated your experience of life. Nothing about life is ever stagnant.

NOTE: Alchemy for Couples in the Love Before You Think(TM) program is coming soon. This program will help you side-step all limiting beliefs about you and your partner, bypass the past, and start truly living now. You don’t have to wait and you don’t have to wait on your partner either, you can start right now in the Inner Alcove. Click here.

Putting an end to mental pain and suffering–and sleepless nights

How to deal with feeling adequate,
and get a good night’s rest

Client: In the middle of the night snoozing is all I managed. I slept 45 minutes or so between 4–5:20 and again from 6:20–7:50. Going to try a little more.

Cindy: So is mind running around some topic?

Client: Last night it seemed to be a cumulative thing. But definitely areas we can target tonight (on the teleclass.)

Cindy: Cumulative… There is no such thing. There can only be a thought about cumulative, believed in. How does that thought feel, good or bad?

(NOTE: Client has worked with me before and knows that by asking this question I am pointing to the fact she is putting her attention on a bad-feeling thought, and am doing that just to bring it to her awareness.)

Client: I guess I was just having trouble pinpointing what it was, so I examined all things I was concerned about. And thinking of the cumulative was my attempt to understand what was causing the alertness and racing thoughts. It all seemed to center around a feeling of inadequacy and a little bit of fear of dying tried to creep in. Inadequacy to handle all things in and around the move and setting things up.

Cindy: Yes. The whys are where the suffering lies. Do you see it now?

(NOTE: Client knows not to seek reasons/mental understanding – i.e. not to think. When feeling bad you are like a bad-thought magnet, and will find many reasons to support or worsen suffering. The instructions here are to just notice the already present painful thought—not to think about it or seek more. Examining all the things you are concerned about will most certainly keep you awake. What is causing alertness and racing thought *is* entertaining bad feeling thoughts themselves. Nothing else. There is nothing else going on at 4am.)

Client: Yes.

Cindy: When you know a bag is full of garbage, do you go rummaging around in it?

Client: No.

Cindy: Looking for a cause (a.k.a “a why”)… What will you find? What help is there in putting attention on a bad-feeling-thought about why? Will that let you sleep?

Client: I was trying to find what I needed.

(NOTE: The first question in the Alchemy practice is to ask yourself “What do I want?” not “What do I need?” You need nothing. Your natural state is peace and joy. It is only when you have some “thing”–like a bad-feeling thought–that your natural peace and joy is disturbed. The thought idea you need something is attachment, and disturbing. That said, what you want is the opposite of what you don’t want, the opposite of whatever bad feeling thought is already present. That is enough to work with—don’t seek more! Oh what tangled webs we weave when we rummage through the garbage. What you want is positive, and feels good. What you think you need–and thereby don’t have–feels bad. Put your attention on what you DO want, not what you don’t want.)

Cindy: Notice that any “why” thought feels bad, and turn away from them, don’t seek them. Seek what you DO want. (–Seek joy!)

Client: No, searching through whys does not help. It’s a reflex I need to stop.

Cindy: This is why I say what you need is POSITIVE. You were not seeking what you wanted, you were seeking what you did not want. And you got it. Of course.

Client: Poo.

Client: lol

Cindy: hahaha…A *very* good and solid learning.

Client: Yes. We can learn from our mistakes.

Cindy: Yes. A great gift : ).

(Note: Searching through whys is not a reflex. That would make it some conceptual “thing” you have to battle against–but it does not exist. Simply noticing that it hurts, noticing that it never works is enough for you to give it up. When you are not interested in the garbage, it is gone. From a good feeling you can notice all the ways and truths about how more than adequate you are–but you won’t see that, feel that, or know that while feeling something called inadequacy. Learn to shift your state so you have access to wisdom and more options. Get personal support while using the 7 Questions called Alchemy)

The Truth About Happiness Webinar

Technology is making it possible to present the happiness lie, and the truth about happiness, around the world, live, right from my office.

FREE – Thursday, June 26th, 9PM EST.

We are launching the first ever free world-wide, public webinar on the Alchemy of Love and Joy. I will state the case for the lie and the truth, introduce listeners to the Three Powers you were born with, and offer to walk people through the life-altering practice of Alchemy as well as take questions and answers if there is time. You can participate or just watch and listen from the comfort of your home. If you want to participate you must have a google+ account (they are free here) and a webcam.

To participate, register ahead of time, join here.

To just watch, visit this page.

This will be the first of many, so be sure to join – you will  hear about additional free webinars on love, relationships, career, and inner peace and freedom.

Antidepressant drugs may make mental illness worse

Research shows SSRIs reduce brain’s capacity to produce serotonin

Pills_wikimediaChris Wodskou of CBC news reports, “What if mental illnesses like depression aren’t really caused by chemical imbalances, and that millions of the people who are prescribed those drugs derive no benefit from them? And what if those drugs could actually make their mental illness worse and more intractable over the long term?” Continue reading

Nothing New on a Detour

roadOn the road, detouring through a new town that these eyes have never seen, still there is a knowing, a recognition of something that has not changed with the clocking of kilometers.

Nothing here is new. Nothing here is not known. Nothing here is separate. There is an alive freshness, though not a strangeness. There is a sameness.

Actually, it’s been that way the whole trip; something has stayed the same, all the way from Brampton; it was just made so much more obvious when seeing new objects in a new town. A vastness, peace, and joy comes with this eternal, unchanging recognition. This is true wherever you go; check it out for yourself. (Odessa, Ontario, June 2, 2014.)

Wherever you go, there you are ~ Jon Kabat-Zinn


Is it true that once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen?

Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen. ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Does Emerson have it right, that once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen? That may be what appears  to happen, but knowing what I know now, after what happened to me in the woods, I know that nothing is separate, and that there is no separate “me” deciding. Continue reading

Creative Compass Series 3

The Peaceful Warrior, Past and Present

#3 Interview with Dan Millman

It is my privilege and opportunity to interview Dan Millman. Dan reveals business, writing, and personal wisdom in the third of three interviews. In this installment we get up close and personal with Dan on:

  • A childhood writing experience he can’t forget
  • how life unfolded for Dan
  • how his passions evolved, what made his life meaningful
  • his daily routines for success
  • how The Way of the Peaceful Warrior first flopped
  • how The Way of the Peaceful Warrior became a best-seller
  • The “sticky ideas” that compelled him
  • The origin of wisdom, inner and outer mentors, and more!

With 13 books and a major motion picture under his belt, Dan has been bringing personal transformation to people via the power of the pen, and now he and his daughter Sierra are passing that skill on in their new book, The Creative Compass.

Continue reading

Creative Compass Series 2

Dreaming in Dialogue

#2 Interview with Dan Millman and his daughter Sierra Prasada

It is my privilege and opportunity to interview this father and daughter author team, and to present business, writing, and personal wisdom from across a generation. In this installment we discuss the origin and development of characters as devices to write creatively. These concepts are also useful in everyday life when you feel stuck or trapped! We also cover:

  • Channeling
  • Master Metaphors
  • Insider/Outsider Perspectives
  • Using the “What If” technique
  • Write the “jacket copy” of your life
  • Creative Destruction & more!

Continue reading