Overcoming Wanting to Be with Someone

How to Stop Suffering Over Missing Someone


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[12 minutes]

This is just part of an Alchemy session that was over one hour.

To get the full recording, and your own private sessions…

Join the Inner Alcove, or the Alchemy Master Mind.

Cindy and this client also cover:

  • Decisions – I thought I decided, but then my decision collapsed.
  • Love joy peace – is that feeling (love, joy, peace) our Awareness in the body?
  • Is it wise to ignore mind, thoughts?
  • We can’t be hurt, can’t hurt others: strong feeling of guilt in past relationship
  • The purpose of fear

Do Relationships Become Stagnant After Two Years?


What a dangerous statement. (Sheesh I wonder what happens after 20 years? Do relationships mould and rot in a stench? If that were true, why would anyone stay together? It’d be… “Oh, it’s two years plus one day… time to part.”)

That’s like saying life becomes stagnant after two years! There is no such thing as stagnancy. Everything is constantly changing. Even mind, which can stink with the idea of stagnancy, is always changing, moment to moment. Continue reading

“I know” is the evil eye

When you say “I know…” something about someone, you are giving them the evil eye, a.k.a. the ego eye, or the ego “i.”

What we are actually saying when we say this, is “I know a memory I have about something that (I perceive) happened in the past.” When you claim to know someone’s thoughts, feeling, or purpose, you are doing what in NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) is called “mind reading.” The factual truth is, unless someone tells you their experience, thought, or purpose–you don’t know. Continue reading

I Want the Relationship to Continue

I Want the Relationship to Continue

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[27:28] Participant discovers love never came from another, and how not to dump himself. All relationship is truly with yourself, and need not end.

Transcription coming.


I Wanted Him to Say He’s Sorry

I Wanted Him to Say He’s Sorry

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What if you didn’t need someone to be happy?

Would you make better choices in a partner?

How much more free and loving could you then be in a relationship?

Some people are so shocked by the idea of not needing someone that they ask, “But, then what would a relationship be for?”

Such a response reveals how deeply their conditioning goes.

Both my generation and the current generation have been raised in a “romantic era” that is more accurately called an “attachment era.” The majority of our movies and music proclaim a love that needs the other, and that idea is portrayed as a good, romantic thing. Perhaps it comes from the fear of losing someone and therefore needing them to be your “only one” and “forever.” Continue reading

When non-violent communication is violent

You always interrupt me,” came the complaint. “In non-violent communication we own-up,” she continued…

I have periodically heard about something called “non-violent communication” and while I knew nothing about it, immediately I liked the idea the name implies. But this was the first time I ran into it head-on in real life, and I clearly saw how it failed (in this case) to meet its own namesake. (Or perhaps there was confusion in its understanding, or application.)

I had been communicating with a co-worker and wanted to share an insight, but when I began to address the subject, I was interrupted and the topic went in another direction.

“You always interrupt me,” she complained.

Always?” I asked. Continue reading

Why do we hurt those we love?

Why do we hurt those we love?

It is said that every attack is a cry for help.

When someone is hurting sufficiently in some way, that kind of pain can motivate them to act-out or try to hurt others, even those they love the most. This is an attempt to stop their suffering by getting their needs met. They turn to the (person/thing) outside because they believe it is the outside that is hurting them.

Anyone who is hurting simply wants to feel good, and so the core intention is good. However, if you hurt someone you love because you were hurting, you will later regret it, whether you got what you wanted or not. Simply put, with this strategy you can’t ever win.

While you are hurting, your world becomes tiny, often focused exclusively on the pain. You may no longer even see the actual person you love in front of you, much less be aware of their state–and in that way you make yourself blind to the effect your words and actions have on them.

The problem (and solution), is that the cause of the pain is not outside of you, no matter what anyone has said or done. We have mistaken things for feeling, people for feeling, and events for feeling. If you believe someone or some thing is the cause of your inner pain, then you will ride the painful roller-coaster of inevitable, uncontrollable change for life. Want to change that life sentence?

Go inside, not outside, and ask yourself what you want. Then ask yourself how what you want feels. Go deeply into The Alchemy of Love and Joy™ practice and begin to give yourself what you want. You will find immediate relief, and your whole world will change; you will open-up to seeing, hearing, and knowing much more than you could before. And it will open you up to those you love, in the way that you want to be with them. Then you will be ready to deal with the outside (if there still is one to deal with) in a much more effective way.

From the perspective of the person “being hurt,” know that this apparent attack is a cry for help, and that in reality, your loved one is suffering. In your mind, separate the being from the suffering and actions. You may give yourself time and space away from an upset person until things calm and becomes more workable.

Instead of allowing their reality to become yours, instead of buying-in to their nightmare and instead of becoming defensive or reactive yourself, you may ask them, with compassion: “Are you ok?” or “What do you want or need?” With a little attention to their being and motivation behind the action and by pointing them toward what they do want, the suffering may rapidly dissipate.  But of course, the best way to end someone else’s suffering is to end your own–so be sure that you practice The Alchemy of Love and Joy™ yourself first, so that your compassion is sincere. After all, you can’t “be hurt” by them either.

It can transform the situation, even turn it inside-out and back to love, which is the root anyway.

Download and read the e-book The Alchemy of Love and Joy and learn how to detach your self from needing the outside–and from ever hurting a loved one again.
















You cannot feel someones love

You cannot feel someone’s love

This morning I woke with a dream in memory, and noticed a feeling that is not my norm, not joyful. I dreamt of someone who I’d like in my life giving attention to someone else. Immediately I began The Alchemy of Love and Joy™ practice…

1) “What do I want?”

Hmmm… this took a moment or two as the dream fog cleared…and then it came:
“I wanted to feel that person’s love.”

2) “How does that person’s love feel?”

As I reached for the feeling, wonderful images, smiles, and loving memories flashed, and a warm, tingly sensation began to flow through my body.

3) “Is this what I prefer to feel?”

Yessssssss hehe.

4) “Feeling this way, how do I act?”

I reflected on the dream, and enjoyed the other’s enjoyment, happiness, and interaction. And my pleasure grew as a smile stretched across my face.

5) “Is this what I prefer to do, give, or send?”

Definitely, I wanted to “send” or connect with that person with love. As I continued to enjoy those sensations, the overall feeling of love grew, expanded, and enveloped me. I snuggled deeper into the pillows and sheets, and my body warmed as if glowing. Hmmm it is happening again, as I write LOL.

The love got better and better, and at the peak I recognized that this was exactly what it felt like when that person was here, “giving” (I thought) love. And a realization was re-affirmed:

I created the feeling then when they were there, just as I am now.

The cause was not the other person, then–as it is not now. A playful giggle rose, followed closely by laughter. The cosmic joke is so close.  Oh yes, and what of that discomfort I woke with? Long gone, and long forgotten. I lingered longer in bed, savouring the love and then the growing bliss from experiencing a larger expansion of who we are. Joining the others in the kitchen, my great-big-grin and the all-over warmth persisted for hours into the morning. I wondered what they thought. LOL. –Seek Joy!


There are no problems

There are no problems

After The Alchemy of Love and Joy™ came to me, I could so clearly see where I “went wrong” in relationships, or better put, where I could have done better. Of course, we always do the best we can with what we have, so I could not have done better. Yet at the time, I was conscious of not wanting to respond in the ways I did, of wanting a different outcome, however I was not in the state I needed to be in. I sensed that if I could be so radically different, so opposite, that things would be so opposite. But I did not know how. When you are feeling bad, or separate, or distanced, or that you need something, how can you be and do what you need to, with full and sincere congruence?

You can’t give what you don’t have, and you can’t get what you want if you can’t be it first.

This could appear to set up a catch-22, but it’s not a stalemate–the key is to give yourself first what you want, full, completely, and passionately. You may become so satisfied that you no longer want it, and that may be enough. Or you will become so satisfied that you are overflowing, spilling-it-out all over so that it spreads and catches like wildfire.

What you want to avoid is buying into the idea that there is ever a problem. When someone buys-into the story or illusion that there is a problem, the attention is on the problem, and not where it needs to be–on the solution. When two people buy into the same illusion, even more challenging and complex systems and reactions can come into play. But at any point, these can be interrupted, and there really is no such thing
as a real problem.

If we identify “chair” then we automatically identify everything that is “not chair.” The moment you identify a “problem,” you identify what is “not problem,” or, the solution. So whenever you think there is a problem, you must know the solution. And you do. What you did not know is that you can give it to yourself. So truly, there are no problems.

Scenario: your partner begins to believe in a problem, and so s/he begins to see “negativity” in you, begins to hear your comments as negative, not simply as your identification of contrast, your expression of preference. If *you* buy-in and believe she has a problem with judging you, well, you can imagine where something like this can go. What if you instead gave yourself acceptance? How does that feel? Feeling it fully and completely, could you then see her actions as identification of contrast, of her preference? Instead of coming from a place of defense from having judged yourself, could you then, from your place of acceptance, know and appreciate that she is striving for a positive lifestyle, and in how many ways now can you both fulfill such a lovely vision?

Scenario: What if your partner has an adversity to an intimate act you’d like? You could view that as a problem, and everything you do from there forward will support it as being a problem, or you can feel what having it is like while with him/her, and experience the energetic feeling of having it anyway, which will do one or both of two things: satisfy you, and/or show your partner just how much you like it, and perhaps in the sharing of that it may become a turn-on for both. Problem? What problem….

Get and read the book, free, and practice living in freedom and joy now.