How to Stop Suffering Over Missing Someone.
Do relationships become stagnant after two years? That’s like saying life becomes stagnant after two years! There is no such thing as stagnancy. Everything is constantly changing. Even mind, which can stink with the idea of stagnancy, is always changing, moment to moment.
What we are actually saying when we say this, is “I know a memory I have about something that (I perceive) happened in the past.” When you claim to know someone’s thoughts, feeling, or purpose, you are doing what in NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) is called “mind reading.” The factual truth is, unless someone tells you their experience, thought, or purpose, you don’t know.
I Want the Relationship to Continue
[27:28] Participant discovers love never came from another, and how not to dump himself. All relationship is truly with yourself, and need not end.
I Wanted Him to Say He’s Sorry
Would you make better choices in a partner?
How much more free and loving could you then be in a relationship?
Some people are so shocked by the idea of not needing someone that they ask, “But, then what would a relationship be for?”
Such a response reveals how deeply their conditioning goes.
Both my generation and the current generation have been raised in a “romantic era” that is more accurately called an “attachment era.” The majority of our movies and music proclaim a love that needs the other, and that idea is portrayed as a good, romantic thing. Perhaps it comes from the fear of losing someone and therefore needing them to be your “only one” and “forever.”
“You always interrupt me,” came the complaint. “In non-violent communication we own-up,” she continued…
I have periodically heard about something called “non-violent communication” and while I knew nothing about it, immediately I liked the idea the name implies. But this was the first time I ran into it head-on in real life, and I clearly saw how it failed (in this case) to meet its own namesake. (Or perhaps there was confusion in its understanding, or application.)
I had been communicating with a co-worker and wanted to share an insight, but when I began to address the subject, I was interrupted and the topic went in another direction.
“You always interrupt me,” she complained.
“Always?” I asked.
Why do we hurt those we love?
It is said that every attack is a cry for help.
When someone is hurting sufficiently in some way, that kind of pain can motivate them to act-out or try to hurt others, even those they love the most. This is an attempt to stop their suffering by getting their needs met. They turn to the (person/thing) outside because they believe it is the outside that is hurting them.
Anyone who is hurting simply wants to feel good, and so the core intention is good. However, if you hurt someone you love because you were hurting, you will later regret it, whether you got what you wanted or not. Simply put, with this strategy you can’t …
You cannot feel someone’s love
This morning I woke with a dream in memory, and noticed a feeling that is not my norm, not joyful. I dreamt of someone who I’d like in my life giving attention to someone else. Immediately I began The Alchemy of Love and Joy™ practice…
1) “What do I want?”
Hmmm… this took a moment or two as the dream fog cleared…and then it came:
“I wanted to feel that person’s love.”
2) “How does that person’s love feel?”
As I reached for the feeling, wonderful images, smiles, and loving memories flashed, and a warm, tingly sensation began to flow through my body.
3) “Is this what I prefer to feel?”
4) “Feeling this way, how do I act?”
I reflected on the …
There are no problems
After The Alchemy of Love and Joy™ came to me, I could so clearly see where I “went wrong” in relationships, or better put, where I could have done better. Of course, we always do the best we can with what we have, so I could not have done better. Yet at the time, I was conscious of not wanting to respond in the ways I did, of wanting a different outcome, however I was not in the state I needed to be in. I sensed that if I could be so radically different, so opposite, that things would be so opposite. But I did not know how. When you are feeling bad, or separate, or distanced, …