Don’t look for reasons why you hurt

This is a transcript from the workshop video:

“Don’t look for reasons why you hurt” (Part 1)

Cindy has invited her up a few times…

Participant (distraught, crying): “But will they go away for good?”

Cindy: “I know…”

Participant: “I’ve got such much to be thankful for Cindy.”

Cindy: “Yes!”

Participant: “…So much!…why do I feel so shitty?

Cindy: [motions]…Come up?

[Participant gets up]

Cindy: “Yah!” [clapping]

Cindy: “The whys are coming-up, I know. And they try their hardest, don’t they?”

Participant: “I ask my doctor that…’Why?’ And she said it’s your mind. Your mind’s getting in there.”

Cindy: You don’t need a why. Do you?

[Participant shakes head]

Participant: “I keep searching for why though. I want to know why.”

Cindy: “Why? Why the search for a why? Have you ever found it in a why?

[Participant shakes head]

Cindy: “No.”

Cindy: “You’re not going to find it in a why.”

[Participant shakes head]

Cindy: “You know that.”

[Participant nods head]

Cindy: “So. Is there a good reason to keep a why?

[Participant shakes head]

Cindy: “No.”

Participant: “The pain…”

Cindy: “What do you want instead?”

Participant (crying): “I want the pain to go away. There is so much…so much to be grateful for…”

Cindy: “Yes.”

Participant: “So much good stuff and I can’t enjoy it…”

Cindy: “Yes.”

Participant: “I’m so stuck and I….I just hate it. I pick myself up and I brush myself off, and I get right back down again. It’s like…You were talking about that incident with work…I didn’t just stay home for the day, I quite the job. So I could get away from them because they were hurting me. But its not about them hurting me, it’s me. I know that. I still can’t get rid of it. [shaking head] I know that.”

Cindy “Yes. And knowing that is not something to beat yourself up with, ok. Knowing that is a tool. Okay?”

[Participant nods head]

Cindy: “You know. You are so close. You’re so close. This is good.

[Participant nods head]

Cindy: “So can you think of a time, a particular time…I don’t want you to go into it, …I want you to stay here with me, ok? Feel your feet on the chair, the floor, ok?”

[Participant nods head]

Cindy: “Can you think of a time when that arose, a particular time…You were feeling ok, and then out of the blue…? Do you have a particular time, place where you were…?

Cindy: “You had one here earlier, didn’t you? A time when you were feeling ok, and then, a thought arose…whatever it was, and you started to feel bad. You noticed a bad feeling. So you were feeling ok, and then you noticed a bad feeling. Can you remember a time where you were when that happened?

Participant: It’s that same incident …at work.

Cindy: “Ok. One particular incident, ok gonna use that one at work?

Participant: “It’s the workers, but yeah.”

Cindy [addressing audience]: So, you don’t even actually have to go into the content when you’re working with me…usually, because you do it all inside, so I don’t need to know the details. If you want to share that’s ok, but you don’t have to.

Cindy: “So, as long as you have the situation. Ok, yes. In that moment when you noticed the bad feeling, what did you want? What specifically did you want?”

Participant: “To be accepted.” [voice cracks]

Cindy: “To be accepted…very good, ok. Now at this point it’s very critical because mind’s habit will try to flip you into the opposite..ok? To be ‘not accepted,’ ok? Your job here is to keep your attention on being accepted. Good. Yah. Good. Ok?”

Cindy: “So, in that moment…how does feeling accepted feel? You do know how it feels, right?”

[participant nods head]

Cindy [addressing room]: “Yes. Everyone here has felt not accepted before, right? …And you felt accepted, so you do know what that’s like.”

Cindy: “Very good…yes, you do. So how does feeling accepted feel?

Participant: “Embracing, comforting.”

Cindy: “Yes.”

Participant: “Comforting.”

Cindy: “Comforting. Yeah. Feel the embrace. Yeah. How else does it feel?”

Participant: “Loved and cared for. Gentle.”

Cindy: “Gentle. Loved, cared for, gentle. Warm, Embracing. Ok.”

Cindy: I want you to ask yourself and answer it with your body, ok? Look for it in your body and tell me when you have it. How does feeling accepted and warm and embraced feel? Good. Got it eh? Good. Ok. Keep your attention on that, because it feels good right? Ok. Enjoy it. Good. Nice. That’s right.

[Participant starts crying]

Cindy: “No, stay with it…”

Cindy [addressing room]: “See..What happened? In that moment, she felt it, I dont know if you guys were watching…she relaxed, she felt it..and then what happened?”

Cindy: “Then something happened, right? What happened?”

Participant: “I won’t allow it.. I pushed it back…”

Cindy: “This is why its very important to continue practicing allowing it. It’s one thing I’d highly suggest you do at home, is practice this. Go, stop, in the middle of the day for no reason, go to the same place and sit and get cozy, snuggle into something warm. And start to feel how accepted feels and enjoy it. Some thought may come up, and I’d like to do some work with you maybe later because we can go really deeply, there is perhaps something in there that’s coming up…and it happens so fast…and the habit is to buy into it and believe it and so your attention goes off. So practice as much as you can, sustaining this feeling. Ok? I want you to try it again, look for that in your body. Answer it with your body, and keep your attention there.”

[participant nods head]

Cindy: “How does feeling accepted feel?”

[participant breathes deeply and sighs]

Cindy: “Yah, yah. [laughter] Sustain it. Sustain it. Just sustain it right there. Don’t take it any further. Just enjoy that amount right there. Yeah. Good. Are you feeling your feet on the floor? You hear the clock? Yeah? Ok. Is this how you prefer to feel? Yes. Stay with it. Good. That’s right.”

Cindy: “Ok, it dropped didn’t it? So ask again – How does acceptance feel? And let your body answer.”

[Participant breathes deeply and sighs, relaxes]

Cindy: “Is this how you prefer to feel? Sustain. Because you want it, right? [laughter]

So hold it. Enjoy that, appreciate it. Yes. Let it to grow. To whatever it will grow…Nice. Very good. Sustain it. Good. Enjoying that and sustaining it, [laughter] good, notice the thought, that may come up, that whatever it was, I don’t know what it was, that says ‘oh you can’t feel that way’ [laughter]…Well done.. You noticed that thought, huh? What do you think of it now?”

[Participant bursts out laughing]

[Participant laughs, puts hand over mouth, shaking head]


Cindy: Powerful huh?

Participant: “I can have this anytime I want…”

Cindy: “Anytime you want. Wherever you are. How much gratitude is in that, huh?”

Participant: “I’ve been searching all my life for it..45 years.”

Cindy: “It’s been here.”

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