Discover how nobody is actually ever rude, and therefore your whole experience and perspective can be turned around from aggression to compassion and peace.
Heading out for a walk with a friend, she started out in an exasperated state, complaining that Americans are rude. Then the story unfolds about how she went to an event with hundreds of people and was about to sit down when a woman came over and told her, “That’s Amanda’s seat!”
My friend continued, “She was so rude! And it was how she said it, with that tone of voice.” Now this friend has known me long enough to know something about my perspective, and she was not particularly surprised to hear me say, “No-one is ever rude to you,” but she was resistant.
But what if they ARE being rude?! She said emphatically.
“They never are.” I responded with a knowing beyond conviction, and I continued, reminding her that whenever you point a finger and judge someone, there are three fingers pointing back at you. Who is knowing this thing called rude? Where is it being felt? But until you experience a shift in state and perspective using Alchemy, you may only know such truth “mentally,” as mere thought-knowledge, which you won’t believe, and still feeling affronted by apparent rudeness, you will walk, and talk accordingly.
So let’s walk through the practice, and shift state.
1) What does she want? She wanted that woman to speak kindly and politely.
2) How does that woman speaking kindly and politely feel? Calm, kind, respected, safe, and peaceful. Here is where the power is in the presence. Feeling into the body, looking for the answer there, how does calm, kind, respectful, safe, and peaceful feel? Anyone reading this now can know this feeling in the body. Seek it, then when you find it, take some time and recognize, enjoy, and appreciate it.
3) Is this how you prefer to feel? Yes. It is safe, secure, and grounded.
4) Who or what did you need to have this? Did you need this woman to be kind or polite? No.
5) What do you think of her now? Oh, it’s not a big deal, she was probably just doing her job and saving her friend’s seat. Or maybe she just got some bad news, and is in a bad state, or maybe she’s stressing over something that happened or could happen. I see now…there are numberless possibilities.
6) Feeling this way, how do you act? Calm? Yes. Kind? Yes. Respectful? Yes. Polite? Yes. Who did you need to be calm, kind, and respectful? Me. So who was being rude? Ohhh…me. (And they say Canadians are polite : )
Yes…How? By believing that she was being rude, by being upset with her, by judging her, by telling others that Americans are rude. Feeling calm, kind, and polite, I might even say, “Oh, sorry, I didn’t know.”
7) Is this how you prefer to act? Yes.
Often, the heart cracks open, and invulnerable universal love can be known.
People do what they do, in the tone that they do, because of themselves, their state, their perceived problem–not yours. And if you cared enough about the other to shift your state and perspective (and mind reads) and/or to inquire whether or not they are okay, you’d discover that your belief or fear has nothing to do with whatever “tone” they seem to be using. The tone you are hearing is a thought in your head, what you are perceiving, and the meaning your are giving that tone, is your meaning–not theirs. It is not their truth. If you are feeling rude (or anything else), and you do not look closely at what’s really going on, at what the real cause it, in your confusion you will mentally project the cause onto others.
By shifting your state, you can come to realize that what you thought happened, didn’t actually happen. People are never rude. They are hurting, suffering, fearful, and/or confused. The American wasn’t being rude, and this is the ultimate in forgiveness, when you realize there is nothing to forgive.
Even you, the Canadian, weren’t rude…you were feeling bad and on the defensive, which is the same as offensive. You were confused, and now you can forgive yourself too.
What is “being rude” anyway? Is it raising their voice? Is it not giving you what you want? Is it not being sweet as pie? Is it being strong and firm? All it is, is a thought you can get upset over. I asked my friend if she really thought this stranger intentionally decided to be rude to her, to hurt her with rudeness. The answer was no.
Even if someone’s intention was to be rude (and you can never know for certain someone’s state or intention)–so what? Let them have it…their bad state can only hurt them, just as it is only ever your bad state that hurts you. To claim to know someone’s state or intention is a mental violence, and it is mental violence that can lead to physical war.
The thought someone is being rude has no purpose other than to cause you stress. However it is just a thought, and as thought, anything can be imagined. Yet even imaginary pain, stress or anger, is still pain, stress or anger. Of course, this is not to say that you lose the ability or discretion to choose who to hang around with and who’s presence to leave; it’s that you do it with clarity, without false mind reads about the other person, without your own fears or attachments fogging your view, and with peace and wisdom. It is the habit of not seeing that our mind reads even exist, and of automatically believing whatever bad thought-feeling arises to be truth, that keeps us bound.
If you struggle with people never being rude, then you have not shifted state. You may be focused on some other negative thought-feeling, belief, or attachment, from which you cannot see anything else.
Perhaps without realizing it, with that tone of voice and complaint, my friend was asking me to also judge this stranger, and that I can never do. I refuse to support my friend’s suffering and confusion, which in turn would support and feed the social cycle of mass unconsciousness and suffering. Instead, I have compassion for her, the wish that she not suffer with anger, disrespect, and judgment.
Be the change you want to see. After all, you demanded it of them.
This is good news; it means you are free, you don’t have to feel bad every time someone raises their voice, and you can have compassion, and peace. Ultimately, you are the authority of your perception in your life, and that which you are most interested in, you will experience. Which do you prefer?
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