People don’t support my happiness!
During a TeleClass last night, I described how my experience of life has changed since discovering the joy within; how things, people, or events–even the weather, don’t bother me, and someone who was relating emailed this question:
“How do you explain this concept to others in your life? Sometimes, it seems people can’t accept that everything is ok. And not only ok but great. And they want to tear that down.”
To deal with this, you could learn communication techniques or ways to improve your self-confidence or self-image, but those are just temporary, superficial band-aid attempts that support a sense of separation, of ego. Alchemy is much more radical, it is not about learning or “how to.” It cuts to the core of false beliefs and shreds them; it is about fundamental, irreversible transformation.
There is an almost automatic response to questions like the above; we immediately attempt to answer a question just because it is asked (by ourselves or others), without ever questioning the validity of the question itself (and the question’s built-in assumptions), first. In my new book “Alchemy, How to Feel Good No Matter What“ I emphasize, “If it does not feel good, don’t accept it–suspect it!”
So my response, instead of answering the question, was the same for every “problem” people perceive. I asked:
“How does that feel? (Good or bad?)”
I am pointing to and looking for a recognition, a noticing that the second and last sentences (“Sometimes, it seems people can’t accept that everything is ok. And they want to tear that down.”) do not feel good, and therefore, they are something you can practice with. Recognizing this, you can stop and ask yourself the first question in the practice of Alchemy:
“What do I want?”
I emphasize do because it must be stated in the positive and people have been conditioned to know what they want in the negative, to know what they do not want. But you will never find what you do want while your attention is on what you don’t want.
Normally I would wait for the participant to answer, but sometimes, as was in this case, they do not want to publicly participant, and that is fine. So instead, I made some guesses, or “mind-reads” of what the answer might be.What could be the opposite, what would feel like relief, or better? What came up was, “They are happy for you, they support your happiness, and maybe then even desire it.”
So then we asked the second question: “How does them being happy for you feel?”
And the mental answers, as thought, surfaced. Then I led the group through actually feeling into the body for the answer, showing them how to know and grow a good feeling before asking another one of the Alchemy questions:
“What do you think about that thought you had now?”
From that opposite, good feeling state, most people will find their old thought irrelevant, or even laughable. I also get them to reflect on the (now whole) situation and people involved, if there are any, and that brings clarity and understanding. The participant’s emailed response was:
“Thank you Cindy! Yes, I see now that they don’t have the understanding of the moment that I do. Thank you, Lovely Lady!”
When your state shifts, not only do you feel better, but you see better. You have access to wisdom that was always available, but which you were closed to. You can then know that others do have positive intention for your happiness, perhaps even seeing some ways that they support it. Compassion can kick-in, and villains can even become victims in your perception and thinking. Of course, there is no absolute truth in your thoughts, but balance can be restored, and one way or the other, beneficial, (w)holistic action can be taken because the whole is seen and known.
You can come to see that the others are hurting, or maybe wanting what you have (which is also hurting). Or perhaps you will mind-read them entirely differently and no longer see them as not accepting your happiness, or as not trying to tear your happiness down. What we feel inside, we perceive outside, so in all cases it is coming from within. You may find space to actually ask them, with pure curiosity, about their purpose or intention (which you perceive negatively) and learn it’s something you could have never thought of, because your model of the world is different. You may actually learn something of their truth, instead of just your fear. As long as you need something from others, like for them to be happy for you, then you are not available to whatever truth is going on for them. You are not available and compassionate toward their experience.
Had I been able to actually speak with the participant, we could have gone deeper and even turned this completely around. The more you stay with this and explore, the more “ah-ha” moments come. In addition, the other Alchemy questions can help you fundamentally realize, once and for all, your inherent freedom and peace from needing, wanting, or avoiding anything outside of you. At that point, while habitual thoughts may continue to arise, they no longer have any charge, and begin to slow and recede into the background. You no longer have interest in them.
With more time and direct facilitation, the participant could come to know, experientially who’s happiness, support, and appreciation they truly needed (Hint: their own). The state we elicited together is a better place to be, and it is also a better place from which to be seen. Otherwise, others will see that you are actually not always happy. Busted!
Being busted is good, because it can be used for freedom, peace, non-separation, and love. Use any and all bad feeling to come to know that you are the power of how you feel, that you are the cause, you are the source.