There are no problems
After The Alchemy of Love and Joy™ came to me, I could so clearly see where I “went wrong” in relationships, or better put, where I could have done better. Of course, we always do the best we can with what we have, so I could not have done better. Yet at the time, I was conscious of not wanting to respond in the ways I did, of wanting a different outcome, however I was not in the state I needed to be in. I sensed that if I could be so radically different, so opposite, that things would be so opposite. But I did not know how. When you are feeling bad, or separate, or distanced, or that you need something, how can you be and do what you need to, with full and sincere congruence?
You can’t give what you don’t have, and you can’t get what you want if you can’t be it first.
This could appear to set up a catch-22, but it’s not a stalemate–the key is to give yourself first what you want, full, completely, and passionately. You may become so satisfied that you no longer want it, and that may be enough. Or you will become so satisfied that you are overflowing, spilling-it-out all over so that it spreads and catches like wildfire.
What you want to avoid is buying into the idea that there is ever a problem. When someone buys-into the story or illusion that there is a problem, the attention is on the problem, and not where it needs to be–on the solution. When two people buy into the same illusion, even more challenging and complex systems and reactions can come into play. But at any point, these can be interrupted, and there really is no such thing
as a real problem.
If we identify “chair” then we automatically identify everything that is “not chair.” The moment you identify a “problem,” you identify what is “not problem,” or, the solution. So whenever you think there is a problem, you must know the solution. And you do. What you did not know is that you can give it to yourself. So truly, there are no problems.
Scenario: your partner begins to believe in a problem, and so s/he begins to see “negativity” in you, begins to hear your comments as negative, not simply as your identification of contrast, your expression of preference. If *you* buy-in and believe she has a problem with judging you, well, you can imagine where something like this can go. What if you instead gave yourself acceptance? How does that feel? Feeling it fully and completely, could you then see her actions as identification of contrast, of her preference? Instead of coming from a place of defense from having judged yourself, could you then, from your place of acceptance, know and appreciate that she is striving for a positive lifestyle, and in how many ways now can you both fulfill such a lovely vision?
Scenario: What if your partner has an adversity to an intimate act you’d like? You could view that as a problem, and everything you do from there forward will support it as being a problem, or you can feel what having it is like while with him/her, and experience the energetic feeling of having it anyway, which will do one or both of two things: satisfy you, and/or show your partner just how much you like it, and perhaps in the sharing of that it may become a turn-on for both. Problem? What problem….
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