Today is not the day that Dad died

grandpa_butchToday is the seven-year anniversary of my Father’s rebirth into spirit. Notice how much less a “charge” there is, how much less suffering there is, how much more truth and presence there is in the statement of the anniversary. Today is not the day that Dad died. That day was a long time ago, and that day, that experience, has nothing to do with this day, this experience. This day is not that day, and we do not have to try to “reincarnate” that day now.

If I had not been reminded, it would not have been top in my consciousness and may have passed unobserved. That is not a suppression or avoidance of any kind. It is a simply a clear seeing of truth and reality.

On the first anniversary I received a card in the mail. It did not say much, other than “thinking of you,” and I thought it had something to do with the current moderate challenges I faced at the time, but a card for that seemed a little “much”. There was nothing I could relate it to because I was not suffering. A few emails later, I put it together; it was for the anniversary of his attempted suicide and passing. That first anniversary, I thanked family and let them know how I was, that all was good, and that the anniversary is not important to me, and why.

There were no more cards, and other family members continued to “observe” the anniversary. With my increased compassion and awareness, it occurred to me that this observing was not for me, as much as it was for them. They were suffering even though the 365th day later really has no more significance than the  364th, or 366th. So it seems there is a “rule” that every 365 days we must remember traumatic events, potentially “re-living” them, or more accurately, use memories to suffer in the now.

I don’t need to feel bad to honour someone’s life, and frankly, I can’t see how feeling bad and suffering could honour someone’s life. Certainly, that is not what the deceased wants for us.

Like everyone from my past who I loved, I may bring their memory or the experience of them into my present moment multiple times through the year–I don’t need 365 days. And when I do, I feel good about them, and in this way, I nurture my love of and for them.

That said of my current experience, my current experience also includes living family members who are suffering and want connection. Just like the world did not stop when Dad passed, and that the only thing to be done was to keep going and to do whatever needed tending to, the world has not stopped and needs tending too. Just like loving those who passed 365 days ago, I love and tend to those who are present now, 365 days a year.

Cindy

1 Comment Today is not the day that Dad died

  1. Joan T

    Love your outlook Cindy…just a comment on Anniversaries, they also include birthdays, graduations, historical moments, etc.etc. The dates come around every 365 days whether we want them to or not, but it’s how we remember them (or not) for each individual that is important.
    As your mother,I will always remember your birth but I also remember many other happenings during your life,now multiply them 4 times more.
    I had a brother, father and sister, 2 husbands who have now passed but I do not remember those date, only their birthdates, funny eh!
    love Mom

    Reply

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