AUG 2009
–am I enlightened?
When I go into a “Feel-Good-Fest,” not unlike lovers who cuddle (though I am my lover), sometimes the specific thing I want and give myself grows into such a beautiful, glowing, overall state of love, connection, peace, joy, and well-being that it seems I could just float in it forever, that is, if there was such a thing as time.
One day during this, I thought of Ekhart Tolle’s experience of sitting on a park bench for years. Yes, I could see how someone could do that.
The draw to go inside and explore all that we are capable of is there. Now I know that entering into and exploring the great mystery is an option, yet I have this intense drive to share what I know this far.
I am fully complete; there is nothing that I need or want. If there were, I would just give it to myself. Freedom, lack of fear (perhaps they are the same), and something beyond peace comes with this.
I say “something beyond” because there are no words to describe it. If there were a word, like peace, then that would be something I could just give myself when wanted. This is not given, it just is.
While I could withdraw and simply go blissfully within, I do not have to. My consciousness has not been altered that much. And there is actually this powerful drive to be out there, sharing what I have learned.
Very aware of the utter freedom and joy that is our birthright, I have also clearly witnessed the confusion and delusion that suffering caused in someone I love.
At first my old self-centric habit was a reaction with hurt and pain at the false judgments. However this gift was a wide-eye-opener, a direct viewing into the nature of delusion and suffering.
I then saw the extreme suffering that the delusion caused in that same person, who in their pain was unable to even receive the truth to ease the suffering. There was nothing I could do, and my compassionate heart cracked-open.
Earlier, I’d seen another person so enraged at and within delusion to the point they did not realize their extreme anger and menacing stare, which, even when attention was drawn to it, they still seemed unable to stop doing.
I remember what it is to be lost in the delusion-suffering cycle, and to suffer wanting it to end. And I know there is a way out. Having found this great gift, like Eckhart, I cannot not share it with the world.
His and others’ deeply profound experiences have brought us all to this point, and the ripple effect is carrying the light of consciousness around the globe.
During a session with a client, I was presencing and accessing joy when she asked me a question. To find the answer what I did inside caused a rapid, exponential “expansion” that caused the body to break-out in a sweat.
I brought it back-down, as that was not what I was there for, of course making a mental not to explore it further later. Yes, I have had this and several other uncommon experiences.
“Are you enlightened?” was a question recently asked of me. It sounds like separation, as if there is anything I have done that you cannot do. There is not.
I hope I am not enlightened, it also sounds like a completion, like an end, and from what I have experienced so far, there is no such thing as an end. There is just more, and more, and more, and what a delight to drop limiting beliefs we didn’t know we had, and to know and experience that.
As we are all in this together, there is also no separation, and so we are all enlightened, if that means knowing joy and our inherent freedom–it’s just that we know and practice this to various degrees. Freedom inherently exists for all, eternally available to be realized and lived.
Some days, old mind says “It’s nice outside, you should go out…” and I smile and know “it” is just as nice inside, and that there will eternally be another sunny day. It’s not about where we are, nor when, because being is eternal. It’s about being.
There is nothing that I hate doing. That would be to hate the only thing that exists, this moment, and since all we are is this moment, that would be to hate your very self. Open beyond the contraction of suffering and you will see that there is much more to experience in every moment. This thing called life or being is vast and endless.
What I am privileged to experience, the awakening and furthering of joy in other people, is marvelous and important to be doing now. I have enough to work with in myself and others for now.
People’s desire and ability to align with joy and non-separation humbles me, my compassionate heart is cracked wide-open, and I am utterly fulfilled.