My silence has broken
The moment that I fell to my knees in the woods crying with intense love, joy, and laughter is not one that I thought I could ever explain or share. I still don’t.I’ve been quietly absent for a month, contemplating what to do with something I had never experienced before, and had no reference point for which to understand it myself, never mind to share it.
Yet, a few months ago when considering the things that were coming to me, a thought “I can’t share that.” was immediately countered by “Don’t hold back!”
Indeed, I have not held back since being gifted with joy and being compelled to write the book. So I will not hold back now, either.
For about a year now I have been carrying a recorder around with me because learnings and knowings began to arise spontaneously.
Today, it came to me to begin intimately sharing my experiences as well as the nuggets of understandings as they come.
In the next message I will try to speak the unspeakable and share that experience in the woods, what I read and learned days prior, what was happening just before everything changed, and later, my processing and integration of it.
Many of these intimate sharings will not be published on my website, they are divulged primarily to my friends and close, regular readers.
You can leave questions or comments on every page of my site, or general comments here: https://alchemylovejoy.com/readers-say/
I will reply to all.
Peace and joy,
Cindy
Comments 6
I have experienced momentary feelings of what you describe. They sometimes come when I least expect them which i feel is when i am in presence. I cry and feel so loved, then it goes.
Is this how you experienced the love from within before it took hold and stayed so to speak?
Why can i not stay in this feeling? Or am I experiencing something I perceive as “it”.
Author
Hello Anneliese,
What happened in the woods was far and beyond the ecstatic love and bliss experienced. More on that can be read in the book, which can still be downloaded for free on my facebook fan page: https://www.facebook.com/teevens.cindy
And yet, it was just an experience, and as such, like all experiences, they come and go. No experience can stay, or there would only be one experience, and therefore NO experience.
Awakening is not an experience. To continually seek an experience that is forever happy is attachment and delusion, and a “place” you can get seriously stuck.
To ask “Why can I not stay in this feeling?” is to assume that you have moved, when you have not. Feelings come and go, and you witness them changing. Notice, that in order for you to know change, what is necessary? Some thing must not change, You. You the unchanging, eternal witness, or a fleeting feeling – which is larger? During experiences, notice That Which Knows the experience. It is all that matters.
When “chunks” of self-image fall away, there are often experiences of happiness, bliss, peace. It is just a symptom, not a cause of awakening. Don’t fear losing these experiences. You are not acquiring anything, you are losing the only thing you can lose – what is false.
Your last question wisely digs deeper; continue digging, and in particular, question the “I” you have thought you were. What is the “I” that wants to stay somewhere? Does it change, does it come and go? Is it who or what you are, or is it also observable? (You cannot be that which you can know, or observe, and you cannot be anything that changes.)
Blessings,
Cindy
Ahhhh, Sweet Angel, Cindy…….
What a beautiful recording, and heart wrenching writing from your heart – and topped with you finding the other-side to everything!
You are a beautiful writer and your gifts to the world filled with abundance of heart and love! Love you back!
Blessing of peace, and a river of gratitude –
A May Souza
Much gratitude flows for your presence in my mind and life! Love and joy to you,
Cindy
Hi Gisèle,
Thanks for reading, responding, and questioning!
>>> I’d love to know what happened to bring on this intense joy…Do you think it has to do with accepting, embracing, celebrating fully your “Now”?
Not as a concept, or as thought about the Now. Not as a “doing” accepting or embracing; not as a “doing” anything. Doing any of those requires a sense of a person doing something. It seems doing anything takes you away from It, instantly. It certainly has to do with the unbroken, timeless now. I will elaborate more in the next message on what the experience itself was, and that will help.
As well, I will share what I had been reading, studying, and applying as practices. I know this is of interest, perhaps due to a desire to replicate or have the experience oneself. Unfortunately, that will not work and is more mind doing its stuff to stay separate.
However I do think there is some use in sharing what happened and I will explain more about that in future letters too.
>>>Also, for me, bringing theories or life philosophies into everyday life situations such as when someone refused to help you and how you applied your “Joy Theory” helps me “get it”…After all, what would be the purpose of any philosophical theory if not to show us how to bring joy and understanding into our everyday mundane lives?
That’s exactly right. That is why it is a practice. Not a thought *about*, and not a theory. The more opportunities you get to see it applied, the better your understanding, that is why I am sharing these audio clips. However, an understanding is still not an applying of the practice, and that is the only place the transformation can happen. Each person must actualize the practice and experience themselves.
>>>When you say:
That happened in February.
I’ve been quietly absent for a month, contemplating
what to do with something I had never experienced
before, and had no reference point for which to
understand it myself, never mind to share it.
>>>Are you referring to the episode after your Dad died, (mentioned in your book)?
No, I am referring to the ineffable experience I just had several weeks ago in February, which I will do my best to describe in the next letter. My father’s body died about 6-7 years ago. The experience of transmuting my own, unrelated (as if anything was separate) suffering occurred last April (2009).
Stay tuned.
Love and light,
Cindy
Hi Cindy,
Thanks for sharing…It’s pretty awesome stuff and I’d love to know what happened to bring on this intense joy you are feeling…Do you think it has to do with accepting, embracing, celebrating fully your “Now”?
Also, for me, bringing theories or life philosophies into everyday life situations such as when someone refused to help you and how you applied your “Joy Theory” helps me “get it”…After all, what would be the purpose of any philosophical theory if not to show us how to bring joy and understanding into our everyday mundane lives?
When you say:
That happened in February.
I’ve been quietly absent for a month, contemplating
what to do with something I had never experienced
before, and had no reference point for which to
understand it myself, never mind to share it.
Are you referring to the episode after your Dad died, (mentioned in your book)?