Where did you learn about happiness anyway? Scientists don’t understand it. You learned about happiness from family, friends, society, movies, and the media, right? Where did they get it from? The previous generation, and the previous generation…
A report on CBC news says that, “focusing on what makes you smile for 100 days is full of paradox.”
The article continues, “The happiness challenge is based on the premise that happiness is a choice. It asks participants to submit a photo every day of what made them happy, without trying to make others jealous.”
But the 100happydays website says that, “71% of people who tried to complete this challenge failed and quoted lack of time as the main reason.” The site blames and goads the participants, saying, “These people simply did not have time to be happy. Continue reading →
Cindy shows people how to be happy for life, without controlling thoughts, changing circumstances, or healing the past.
To be continued…
Cindy Teevens is one of the leading inner peace and happiness facilitators, exceptional and unique in helping people shift their state and transform their lives permanently, from the inside out.
Six years after the violent suicide of her father, in one moment her own intense suffering was swapped for amazing joy, altering her life permanently. Happiness and peace became her predominant states.
Understandings began to come about how we have been living backwards, how we have mistaken the outside for the inside, and how we have tethered ourselves to the uncontrollable winds of change in the midst of freedom—and how we can return to truth, sanity, and peace.
Months after discovering joy, one day in the woods she was knocked to her knees by an explosion of love that was followed by the end of time and space, self and other, and when she looked up at the trees, she saw them *as* herself, as everything is. Uncontrollable laughter belted out from the belly of being, tickling every cell in her body as it laid on the snow, laughing and crying at the cosmic joke.
In “Study finds strong link between strokes, stress” in the Ottawa Citizen today, Dr. Michael Hill, co-chair of the Canadian Stroke Congress and Director of the acute stroke unit at Foothills Medical Centre in Calgary, says “Not everyone who has stress has stroke. But is it a contributor? Absolutely.”
This begs the obvious and so perhaps overlooked question:
“What is stress?”
While Hill says “There is no doubt that the things that happen in people’s environment — their life, their ability to manage and interact with their life — results in changes in their biology which puts them potentially at risk.” Here we see that Hill believes, like most people in our society, that your inability to “manage” your life, to manage outside circumstances, is what causes stress. The corollary to that implies that your ability to manage your life relieves stress. So in other words, your ability to change the outside. This trap has led our society into a vicious cycle of suffering, because it encourages attachment to things, people, and events outside of you, which are constantly changing and not in your control. This managing, controlling effort is futile for that reason and also because stress is not a thing, a person, or an event. No circumstance on the outside can cause your inside heart rate to soar or your blood pressure to build. Continue reading →
Today is the seven-year anniversary of my Father’s rebirth into spirit. Notice how much less a “charge” there is, how much less suffering there is, how much more truth and presence there is in the statement of the anniversary. Today is not the day that Dad died. That day was a long time ago, and that day, that experience, has nothing to do with this day, this experience. This day is not that day, and we do not have to try to “reincarnate” that day now.
If I had not been reminded, it would not have been top in my consciousness and may have passed unobserved. That is not a suppression or avoidance of any kind. It is a simply a clear seeing of truth and reality.
On the first anniversary I received a card in the mail. It did not say much, other than “thinking of you,” and I thought it had something to do with the current moderate challenges I faced at the time, but a card for that seemed a little “much”. There was nothing I could relate it to because I was not suffering. A few emails later, I put it together; it was for the anniversary of his attempted suicide and passing. That first anniversary, I thanked family and let them know how I was, that all was good, and that the anniversary is not important to me, and why.
There were no more cards, and other family members continued to “observe” the anniversary. With my increased compassion and awareness, it occurred to me that this observing was not for me, as much as it was for them. They were suffering even though the 365th day later really has no more significance than the 364th, or 366th. So it seems there is a “rule” that every 365 days we must remember traumatic events, potentially “re-living” them, or more accurately, use memories to suffer in the now.
I don’t need to feel bad to honour someone’s life, and frankly, I can’t see how feeling bad and suffering could honour someone’s life. Certainly, that is not what the deceased wants for us.
Like everyone from my past who I loved, I may bring their memory or the experience of them into my present moment multiple times through the year–I don’t need 365 days. And when I do, I feel good about them, and in this way, I nurture my love of and for them.
That said of my current experience, my current experience also includes living family members who are suffering and want connection. Just like the world did not stop when Dad passed, and that the only thing to be done was to keep going and to do whatever needed tending to, the world has not stopped and needs tending too. Just like loving those who passed 365 days ago, I love and tend to those who are present now, 365 days a year.
When you stop thinking that you know how some experience “should” be, about what “should” happen, about when you “should” arrive, about who “should” or “should not” be there, and what they “should or should not” be doing, then things flow, you are in alignment with life—and suffering ceases. When you respond and not react, when you become natural and spontaneous, the same way life unfolds, life becomes rich with possibilities and adventure.
I don’t know how many times I thought I was “late” only to find that I was perfectly on time to not be in a car accident.
I have also given-up on the idea (and these are just ideas, judgments, really) of procrastination. If you are not doing something, there is a reason. Recognize and honour that reason, and get on with that. What would life be like without limiting yourself through a label?
Last week I decided to deliver books locally to be sure people had them in time for Christmas. I thought I’d just be popping them into the mail boxes. Well, it turned-out that one address had no access to the boxes, so I had to buzz. The thought passed “Oh, no one will be home at 2:30 during the weekday,” but as I said, it passed, and I buzzed… and I got to meet in person one reader who had also dramatically altered his life! Eye-to-eye, what a treat!! There was simply knowing, connection, and love.
Another reader wanted her book before leaving town, and so we met and it spontaneously grew into a tea, and then dinner, with great conversation.
Some most amazing experiences have come through being completely available to, in, and as the moment; like driving to a buddist retreat in Northern California and having no idea of the where, when’s, or why’s of the trip. I had purposely and consciously let all that go, relaxed, and every moment was a flowering gift.
Certainly, uncertainty is the only place possibilities lie. Free yourself from what you thought you knew.
When someone is hurting sufficiently in some way, that kind of pain can motivate them to act-out or try to hurt others, even those they love the most. This is an attempt to stop their suffering by getting their needs met. They turn to the (person/thing) outside because they believe it is the outside that is hurting them.
Anyone who is hurting simply wants to feel good, and so the core intention is good. However, if you hurt someone you love because you were hurting, you will later regret it, whether you got what you wanted or not. Simply put, with this strategy you can’t ever win.
While you are hurting, your world becomes tiny, often focused exclusively on the pain. You may no longer even see the actual person you love in front of you, much less be aware of their state–and in that way you make yourself blind to the effect your words and actions have on them.
The problem (and solution), is that the cause of the pain is not outside of you, no matter what anyone has said or done. We have mistaken things for feeling, people for feeling, and events for feeling. If you believe someone or some thing is the cause of your inner pain, then you will ride the painful roller-coaster of inevitable, uncontrollable change for life. Want to change that life sentence?
Go inside, not outside, and ask yourself what you want. Then ask yourself how what you want feels. Go deeply into The Alchemy of Love and Joy™ practice and begin to give yourself what you want. You will find immediate relief, and your whole world will change; you will open-up to seeing, hearing, and knowing much more than you could before. And it will open you up to those you love, in the way that you want to be with them. Then you will be ready to deal with the outside (if there still is one to deal with) in a much more effective way.
From the perspective of the person “being hurt,” know that this apparent attack is a cry for help, and that in reality, your loved one is suffering. In your mind, separate the being from the suffering and actions. You may give yourself time and space away from an upset person until things calm and becomes more workable.
Instead of allowing their reality to become yours, instead of buying-in to their nightmare and instead of becoming defensive or reactive yourself, you may ask them, with compassion: “Are you ok?” or “What do you want or need?” With a little attention to their being and motivation behind the action and by pointing them toward what they do want, the suffering may rapidly dissipate. But of course, the best way to end someone else’s suffering is to end your own–so be sure that you practice The Alchemy of Love and Joy™ yourself first, so that your compassion is sincere. After all, you can’t “be hurt” by them either.
It can transform the situation, even turn it inside-out and back to love, which is the root anyway.
Download and read the e-book The Alchemy of Love and Joy™ and learn how to detach your self from needing the outside–and from ever hurting a loved one again.
After an Alchemy of Love and Joy™ session, people leave feeling happy and peaceful. The other day a client called to make an appointment “I really need it,” she said. That, along with some other readers’ comments like, “I read your book when I need a tune-up,” and “it picks me up when I feel down,” brought to my attention the need for more emphasis on how the practice can help you realize your innate freedom, permanently.
You don’t need the book. That is an outside thing. You don’t need a session to “tune-up,” to “recharge your battery,” or to “fill your cup” or your “tank.” Your intention for doing the work needs to be to use the suffering to breakthrough to freedom. When you truly realize that nothing outside of you can make you feel good, and that nothing outside of you can make you feel bad, and that you can enjoy this life that is living you at any time no matter what is going on “outside,” you know true freedom and peace of mind.
Your life, your experience, will change fundamentally in these ways:
There is a deep sense of peace and well-being
You know that no thing, no person, no event can emotionally hurt you
Weather does not negatively affect you
You need nothing, and no-one
Nothing stresses you, there is nothing you hate doing
You are so self-fulfilled that you have more to give than take, you love without condition
You are comfortable everywhere
You may see “old-mind” arising, and laugh at it as an option
Nothing is serious, because you have freedom of experience; Life becomes lighter
You may see unconsciousness or suffering in others, and relate with compassion
You may engage in causing the experience of so much love, connection, joy, and peace that it becomes bliss or ecstasy
You love yourself, all beings great and small, and all of creation
You are fearless and free
What has been keeping those people from attaining this? There is a deep-seated fundamental belief that the outside controls us. Many people cite the thought “Only I can hurt myself.” Ask the same person if they can generate feeling good if their friend dies or their lover leaves, and the answer will likely be “Oh, no.”
Offered to recognize a bottomless cup instead of a re-fill, the client responds, “You mean you can feel good even if your daughter says she never wants to see you again?”
“Yes,” I replied.
We have confused things for feelings. We have confused people for feelings. We have confused events for feelings. We have confused thoughts for feeling. Feeling is independent of any thing else. It is a body-mind function, like breathing, that you can take conscious control of, and choose how you want to feel–by causing it. Once you have experienced this, old-mind and its habits will try to convince you otherwise, that it’s not real, or not right (more bad feeling, more unconsciousness). Shine your light of consciousness and presence on it by saying “But it IS,” and choosing and preferring a better feeling. Accept the good feeling by enjoying it, nurture it. The “rightness” of it will become apparent with the intelligence that being who you really are comes with. Eventually old-mind will erode and fade as just the other option it always was.
When you suffer, you are creating the feeling. When you feel good with a lover, you are creating the feeling. Enjoy yourself–it is all you ever do enjoy!
How do you create this breakthrough, have this experience, and acquire this knowing? Begin to “play” with feeling. Even good ones. Take conscious ownership and make a good feeling even bigger, better. Decide and intend to use the practice to experience and realize freedom. Recognize ANY and EVERY bad thought-feeling and reject them all. Do the practice. While doing so, be determined not to accept blaming any outside “cause” on your pain. Do not accept any bad feeling as you seek only a better one, and only inside. Download and read The Alchemy of Love and Joy™. Times of pain or suffering are great gifts, great opportunities to do the practice, and realize the freedom that you are. Feel fantastic in the face of adversity and nothing can ever hurt you again. Recognize, practice, and live the bottomless cup that you are.
As I approached the church, there was love and peace was flowing from heart, along with connection and good thoughts of my friend. Very quickly however, thoughts like “Maybe I should not be smiling so much here,” arose, and I began to contain it, and began to slip-out of the Now. Old mind began to arise as the casket was wheeled in. It was definitely a familiar feeling dredged-up from past sufferings at funerals.
Yet the watching consciousness knew this was an old habit, and began to bring me back into the present, until I saw her son, and the old mind, which had been given some space to exist said “He must have had a hard time at his father’s funeral.” Instantly my throat constricted and tears began to well. I have not felt pain or suffering for myself arise since learning to seek joy, however I just learned it can try to slip in under the guise of compassion. Immediately, I did the practice and asked myself what I wanted, “To know his son was peaceful,” and I began to feel how his son being peaceful feels.
Compassion is not feeling other people’s pain, even if we could. It is the wish for others to feel good, and feeling that wish does not mean suffering. After all, I did not know his state, and we cannot feel stressed or peaceful for anyone else. We are feeling our feeling. We are feeling our suffering, or feeling our peace. Looking at the pain and not becoming it, and seeking a better feeling Now, the light of Now burned out the funeral-suffering habit of the past, and peace returned.
It returned me to a place where I can offer love and peace to his son, and his mother. For the first time ever, I walked-out behind the procession without crying, and with a deep and pleasant sense of loving compassion for and unity with all.